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Tonight, for the first time in about 5 years I am playing music for the public outside of a church setting.  I love playing, and I love leading people in worship, but something has been missing. I haven't had the chance to be as creative as I can be with music. Sure I can change the way a worship song sounds. Sure I can write worship tunes. But, I haven't given myself the chance to create new music purely for myself.

So on New Year's Day I resolved to write some new music and play at least one show this year, outside of church, for the public. And now 6 months later I am finally doing it. Some of the songs I have written are deeply personal, some are fun, others are just songs that I like. But they are all mine, music that I have created, and tonight I am playing them in front of other people. And that scares me. It really scares me.

I usually don't let other people into my private life. I keep myself fairly closed off. So to play songs about lost love, my past, my hopes, my innermost being is freaking me out a little bit. Sure those people probably will never know what those words really mean, but I let them in, even if for a minute, they still got to see me in my rawest state. And that is scary.

So tonight is the night in which I put myself out there. Knowing that I will be fine afterwards, but still scared out of my mind.

I'll let you know how it goes.